I dont know somehow my deepest heart still believe that youre gonna come back someday. Like youre the one. I hope it's just a wrong feeling. I know i deserve better, everyone keeps telling me that, but when will that "better" thing come? I never try to get it back, ever. It's just, you know, sometimes you really miss it. When you feel all alone. Then it just showed up. Yea, perfect timing. Even ive tried so hard to ignore it. What if one day everyone gets one and i haven't yet? It shouldn't bother me but somehow im afraid of being alone. Im afraid of being left behind. Im also afraid, all this time i keep my heart safe because unconsciously, im waiting for you to come back. Damn.

You can't just give up. You gotta finish what you've started. It's not always something you enjoy doing. Sometimes it's something that kills you, that cause you pain, even sorrow. Just believe that there is something God has prepared for you. Something you never expected before, and of course, the best thing for you. Maybe you have to pass a few hard things before you get the right one. You have to sacrifice so many things for one thing that is really worth it. Just keep the faith. Oh God please lead me. 

It's okay. Everything's gonna be okay, right? Just breath. And i'll be fine. Let it be. Let it go. Dont bother yourself. *talking to myself*

I know how it will end, i know it wont last forever. So here's the plan, im just gonna enjoy what i have now as chill as possible. For what happen next? Lets just dont think about that until that time comes :) 

So, it's like im walking on the same path, just different role. Yes i became "the other one" who was on my path before. I guess karma really does exist. I'm afraid i know how it will end. If only it ended they way it was before, then im gonna break down (again) but this time, i dont think anyone will save me for the second time. Or i just dont let them to. I dont wanna harm anyone anymore. I was holding myself from getting attached to people hardly to avoid things like this to happen and i just cant. So this is it. This is the consequences that i should take. I should find a way out. But what i if i cant find it?

I know it's better to let go of things i cant control, let go if things that's not mine. 

i dont know when it started.
it just happened.
i have no idea how to stop this.
stop myself for being me.
or its just not me?
i think i get too attached. its like you are the center of my life and that freaks me out. im becoming so afraid of losing what i have now because it once happened to me and it messed me up. i dont want it to happen again but come on, who i am again? i should let go of things that i have no control of and start living my own life because in the end, everybody else are too busy saving their own life, arent they?

"You may care a lot about someone. You feel like you wanna protect them all the way but my dear, not everything about them is your business. Some things may be better left unknown. Either you dont deserve it, or youre just better not knowing".