I've started it, so now i have to live with the risk. Okay then. I'm just gonna enjoy it till the deadline come, and I'll start living this life the way it should be. Goodnight, you. I love you. 

So then you grab your phone, tryin to deny. Tryin to fix anything but you know nothing will ever change. You have to let it go. You realize you might not fit to any kind of relationship. You dont know how to explain yourself. You cry not because you lost that person but because youre disappointed with yourself. 

So here i am. Trying so hard to fight myself. Something inside me takes control and i cant resist. I know it is not fine to be like this. But i cant control this. Everytime the bad side takes over i always recall my old memories, how suffer i was facing that monster. How hard it was trying to give in everything just for to keep one friend. I know it shouldnt be like this. Its a real life. I cant do whatever i want to do. I cant get whatever i want to get. I have to stay on the track. Stick to how life is supposed to be. I always have a tough battle with myself everytime it comes to those things. Yes i do. And its so hard. Its killing me either. Im trying so hard not to be that monster. I know it must be hard for you, and you could be suffer facing me but trust me, its really hard for me as well. I wish i was different. 

I gotta stop asking for help and do things on own. I dont remember how i did it back in the past. But i was able to do it. So i'll be able to do it again. I have to.

Cause you cant keep on running away. It will happen exactly the same. But you can just leave like before, and start all over again. 

Sometimes you just cant talk about it. The thing that bothers you so much. You wish you could share it with someone but you are afraid, you are afraid if they know about it, they will look at you differently, or even change their attitude towards you.